Perfect Liquid Golden Heaven

Brewery and Country of Origin: Anheuser Busch, Inc. of 1 Busch Place, St. Louis, Missouri 63118, USA

Date Reviewed: 4-01-13

Consumer perception is a marketing term used to sum up a potential consumer's overall view of a product, brand, or service, based on their interpretation of an implied value proposition, the brand equity of the good's seller, the product or service's quality, the consumer's own needs and wants, and of course, price and competition. A consumer's perception of a product can be derived from personal experience, advertising, word of mouth, or any number of other sources. And people in marketing take notice and are cognizant of their own brand's identity. Whether you're all about Belgian Style American Ales, or perhaps you're more interested in hammocks on the beach, once the consumer creates their own perception of your brand, it's quite hard to change it. Evolution in perception can and does happen though. Just over a decade ago, The Hyundai Motor Group was synonymous for cheap, plastic rot boxes that were essentially disposable cars. They recognized that they needed to change their ways if they wanted to be successful in developed markets. Through a massive scale effort of retooling their entire structure, building a better brand, producing a better product, and marketing the hell out of all of it, they've quickly become the best ranked brand in America. Even during the extended recession in Europe, Hyundai-Kia is the only major car maker which has seen its new car registrations rise. Meanwhile, Ford, GM, VW, BMW, and Renault are down by the double digits. Change in the perception of a beer brand however, is just as difficult to execute. Fortunately, there is a shining star in one Anhueser Busch which not too long ago, was known for exclusively producing horrific, weak, pale, flavorless, stinky, sad excuses for fermented beverages. Bud Light, Natural Ice, Michelob Light, and Budweiser Select are just a few to come to mind. The executives at AB in St. Louis, MO knew this, and decided that enough was enough. Something had to be done to upsell their brand. So in May of 2008, AB released Budweiser's newest cousin, Bud Light Lime.

To say it was a complete revelation is perhaps the biggest understatement of 2013. Genuinely, this was a real game changer in the international beer community. It immediately gained attention from the most prolific German and Belgian brewers, as well as critics around the world. It has been described as the sole reason for the America's eventual emergence from the late 2000s financial crisis. In June of 2013, President Barack Obama sent over a care package containing a six pack of Bud Light Lime to the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un; a move which almost immediately ameliorated relations between North Korea, South Korea, China, and the United States. The North Korean head of state was so moved by the beer's unparalleled flavor profile, its extremely well balanced presence, and crisp, refreshing dry finish, that he called for an end to the Korean War, finally reuniting the two starkly different halves of the peninsula. In May 2013, one month earlier, Ellen DeGeneres hosted a pro LGBT rights event at her house in Brighton... New York and invited the country's top Christian conservatives, Southern State Pastors, Justice Antonin Scalia, and Rick Santorum to do keg stands with her. It was a Bud Light Lime Keg. Three days later, The Defense of Marriage Act, as well as California's Proposition 8 were judged to be unconstitutional, and a massive Washington rally, led by Santorum, convinced Congress pass the Love All Love Bill, making same sex marriage constitutional in the United States. Sydney Crosby had a can of Bud Light Lime at his sorority party, and couldn't finish it. So it was a real bit of magic, this beer. This past weekend, we reluctantly gave it a whirl, and wow. All we can do is thank humanity that this beer exists. Since February 18, 2011, we've had the same beer at the top of our ratings list. This beer has changed all of that. Out of the 653 beers we've had to date, Bud Light Lime is the only beverage to break the 4.50+ barrier, and by a huge margin. Perhaps at this point, our only regret was not trying it sooner.
Date Sampled: Date Expurgated At: Location Expurgated
Beer Style: American Light Pale Lager
Alcohol by Volume: 4.20%
Serving Type: Keg, 16 oz Plastic Tumbler Glass
Rating: 4.92


Bud Light Lime pours with such an amazing ballet of cascading bubbles, shimmering like diamonds in a golden sea of angelic perfection. This is an immaculately filtered beer, with a clear appearance so shiny, it generates its own light. This beer has a foam head so rich that it gives you money. And nothing has displayed such elegant and beautiful lacing since we've seen Amber Heard in a bra.


A field of every tulip in Holland doesn't smell nearly half as good as the piss generated by Bud Light Lime. The moment this beer's aroma hits your olfactory senses, you're immediately knocked on your ass in sensual arousal. This beer would only smell better in space, where there's nothing else for your brain to interpret. Citrusy like summertime fresh squeezed fruit juice on a hot Savannah day.


If you've ever experienced a woman's breasts so abounding, so extravagant, so perfect in every way that you essentially lose sight on what's real every time you're in the same area code as them, you know what it's like to feel something about .005% as good as the way Bud Light Lime delicately coats your palate like the spring dew of an April morning, caresses your tongue like a hug from your soulmate, and cools your entire body like the glaciers in Greenland. Every single sense your nerves send to your brain is a source of pleasure so great, it ends crime.


Think of the best thing you've ever tasted in your life. Pizza from Rome? Sashimi in Tokyo? Chocolate from Switzerland? Well, we can only guarantee that once you have that all important first sip of Bud Light Lime, you're entire life will change. All of those other foods you thought were the best things you've ever had before are soon rendered as disgusting, repulsive, offensive, and insulting derelict which can no longer be considered as satisfying. They say this is the beer which gave Snooki her sense of sight back after her horrific boating accident. Unfortunately her brain never fully recovered and she went on to become an employee of Viacom shortly afterward.

Our Take

So there you have it. Our new favorite beer. Simple, yet complex. Humble, yet amazing. Perfect, yet... well, perfect in every conceivable way possible. You honestly have not experienced real life until you've sampled a pint of synthesized miracles, impossible magic, and all of your dreams combined in the form of a fermented liquid, known to the witnesses as Bud Light Lime. Anhueser Busch used to represent a brand known to us beer snobs as a macrobrewery which couldn't brew its way out of a frat house. Today however, that's all changed. Bud Light Lime has shown us that miracles do occur. If you're a good person, good things will happen. And if you try, try, try as hard as you can, you will achieve greatness. We can only imagine that this is the only beverage served in heaven. We've experienced Bud Light Lime for what it really is: as sweet as tupelo honey, as bootylicious and fierce as Beyonce, as vast and unlimited as Thunder Road, as rich as Gangnam, and as inordinate and beastly as Lady Gaga. In fact, Bud Light Lime is perhaps too good for humanity. Because once its arctic glacier like beauty overwhelms your tastebuds, you no longer have a real concept of what "good" is anymore, and essentially, nothing else is. So what we're going to do, is assign a random number to this beer's score instead... Let's say, 1.32, and stick with that. That way, people will think it's actually complete shit, and they won't be as inclined to drink it as a way to improve their outlook on life. So from now on, this beer has a rating of 1.32, and that, we're pleased to say, is the end of that.